Earning one of the biggest names in park riding while running a successful bikini brand, Sensi Graves has had a noteworthy career. But being a pro rider isn't always about competing, and Sensi remains in the game even after retiring from competitive riding. So, what does her life look like Then VS Now? Find out in this article!

I stopped competing in kiteboarding in 2020. Like all competitions that happened worldwide, in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, the Kite Park League (KPL) events were put on pause. The KPL, made famous by the Triple S Invitational, is the tour I've competed in for the past ten years.

To be honest, when news broke out that these events wouldn't be happening, I was thrilled not to be competing. This break came as a welcome pause for a few reasons. Number one, I am competitive, and I found myself not able to put as much time into park riding as I had in years past. Number two, I wasn't passionate about it anymore–I didn't feel the need to "train" or spend long hours at the park trying to land a new trick. I wanted to allocate my time elsewhere, and because doing well in competitions meant putting in time and energy to train, I knew I didn't want to do it anymore.

The problem was–I was still good. Despite gains in recent decades, the number of women competing in kiteboarding is dwarfed by the number of men, even more so in a small discipline such as park riding. We simply didn't have the numbers. I felt pressured to stay relevant as a competitor to represent other women and to support my gender, our discipline, and our sport at large.

So truth be told, when a global pandemic shut down all of our competitions, I breathed a sigh of relief. This was my chance! To "retire" from competition and continue my career as a professional kiteboarder and athlete in other areas. What an opportunity!

I remember that first summer of no competitions. I think I spent five days total riding in the park. In a "normal" year, that number would be about ten times as high. The rest of my time was spent on a wing (well, it was the new thing, after all), riding a surfboard or on a foil. I felt free! I was unencumbered by the need to perform, free to explore the many aspects of kiteboarding and fall back in love with wind and water sports.

But unencumbered is not how it started… When I first started competing in park riding, also known as rail riding, slider riding or wake style, I didn't feel like I was good enough. Don't get me wrong; I LOVED hitting rails. I bolted a pair of boots to my board before everyone on the world tour started doing it. The first summer, I learned how to do a back roll (2009). I was living on the Outer Banks of North Carolina and working as a kiteboarding instructor at the epicentre of park riding–REAL Watersports.

Hitting a slider was simply what you did out there. I remember sessioning the dock in front of REAL over and over again, enjoying the feel of the slide across the wood and how much it brought me into the moment. The feeling lasted longer than doing a freestyle trick–I had to stay completely focused the whole time. I loved it.

Because there were so few women back then, I got pressured into submitting a wild card video to the prestigious Triple S Invitational. I didn't get it (Colleen Carroll did), but during the opening ceremonies of the event, the organisers announced that the three of us women (Paula Rosales, Claire Lutz and I) and two men (Craig Cunningham and Rich Sabo) that had submitted wild card videos and were present on site would get to compete. WOW! I didn't feel ready or capable, but it was time to perform.

Over the course of the next ten years, I travelled across the globe to train and compete at park events. I'd spend months in Brazil working on my unhooked freestyle and drive 10 hours to ride a cable park for a few days to hone my skills. All the while, I was building up my swimwear brand, Sensi Bikinis, now known as Sensi Graves Swim. It was all-encompassing, yet I always felt as if I needed to do more.

I'd often be at a kite event answering customer service emails and questioning if doing both things, running a business and competing in kiteboarding, were possible. Perhaps if I quit one, I could excel at the other. I didn't feel successful at either or like I was doing enough. I didn't feel proud or stoked with where I was at. But if there's one thing I've learned in my 34 years on this planet, it's this–you're never going to feel successful unless you feel successful now.

Because there will always be the next kite competition, the next photo shoot to perform at, and the next shiny object you want to buy. Only when we can sink into the here and now, learn to trust the process and acknowledge that we are worthy, just as we are, can we lead a truly joyful life.

Now that I no longer compete, you'd think my travel schedule would diminish, but I travel just as much. Five years ago, Colleen Carroll and I started Strut Kiteboarding women's camps, where we empower women on the water by creating transformational kite and wing trips and experiences. You can find us in any given month in Mexico, North Carolina (yes, I still make an almost yearly migration out there), or in the Caribbean. Today I am passionate about helping people feel good about themselves, on and off the water. I help people who look successful on the outside feel successful on the inside.

I believe that life is this balance of contentment and stretching. Stretching, expansion and growth are great. It's important for humans to have goals; goals keep us engaged, keep dopamine pumping in our veins and keep us feeling purposeful. But I would argue that what we need more of is contentment–stoke with where we're at. Because if we're not stoked with what we're doing and who we are, we're never going to feel fulfilled, and we're never going to feel truly confident. The more that we can feel, as Brene Brown puts it, "wholehearted" or living embodied, and connected and stoked with what we're doing, the more connection we create, the more impact that we can have, and the more tendency toward joy we get to experience.

Today I focus on running my swimwear company (11 years later, and we're still in business!), running women's camps and retreats, doing occasional photoshoots (thank you, Ride Engine and Slingshot for still supporting me), and speaking on confidence, mindset and business. The reality of my life as a pro rider has never been what I thought it would be–but that was mostly because I thought it needed to be something else. I had a carrot constantly dangling in front of me, and even when I'd reach the carrot, I wouldn't let myself enjoy it. I was constantly striving for more and forgot to enjoy the ride.

In truth, the reality of life is what they say it is–that your life is made up of the mundane–the feel of the wind on your face, basking in the sunshine on the first day of spring, and the first sip of a hot cup of coffee. It's also made up of the many moments where we feel most alive–slashing a powder turn, sending a big boost, and diving in an ice-cold river.

We never know where life is going to take us. As one of my mentors says, practise high intention and low attachment. A commitment to who you are and the goals and dreams you hold, but also a relaxing into trust, a cultivating of knowing that everything will turn out exactly as it's supposed to. Because it always does.

 

By Sensi Graves

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